| new lj. |
[30 Jun 2003|06:15pm] |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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fucking motorcyclers outside |
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yes, its time to kiss this livejournal goodbye. my new one is abstrakt_coitus
didn't start the layout yet, in the process of adding those that matter. not deleting this journal, I may type in it at times...
anywho, add me.
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| new lj. |
[30 Jun 2003|06:14pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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fucking motorcyclers outside |
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yes, its time to kiss this livejournal goodbye. my new one is abstrakt_coitus
didn't start the layout yet, in the process of adding those that matter. not deleting this journal, I may type in it at times...
anywho, add me.
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| mangi la mia vagina. ;] |
[29 Jun 2003|03:12pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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IM sounds |
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making a new livejournal next time cutler comes online to give me the code. NOT making it friends only for these reasons:
- I do not care if you know that I talk about you. You've probably fucked with me first, or you're just painfully ignorant. Either that or I just hate you, with or without a reason.
- Too many people are making their journals friends only. I have freedom of speech, as do you. Pathetic, anonymus insults always welcomed. (ie, Katie Cote)
I will post the link to my new lj when I get one, everyone on my friends list, add it when I post. If you know I don't like you, don't bother.
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| my sweetest friend.. everyone I know.. goes away in the end |
[27 Jun 2003|06:50pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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music |
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"hurt"-nin |
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so, my mom drives me and dennis home from jared's, and asks dennis how he did in math. he said he got a B.. so to me, my mom is all "why don't you do as good as he does?".. so I'm just like, not only is dennis not in a class with morons, but he's smarter and in much higher classes than I am. my mom doesn't understand. if there was a tiny bit of trouble in our math class (guy izzo and marc colella AND even..), mrs oconnor would stop the whole class and make us do the whole unit individually. so I read it myself, and I don't get it. the test comes, and I fail, because I wasn't taught shit. so after my mom dropped dennis off, she starts whaling on me about how much of a failure I am and that I suck at life. i told her, why do I need math, when I want to go to RISD? so shes all.. you're never going to RISH, I'll make sure that they reject you, its just a stupid fantasy you've had since you were 5.
I fail at everything. I'll never do good in math or science, neither of my parents will ever love me the way they did 5 years ago, I'll never have a boyfriend, I'll never amount to anything. even if I lose weight, people will still hate my attitude. well sorry, this is me, I've been a heartless, stubborn bitch since I was born. and sorry mom, but since mrs o'connor was a cunt this year, I'll never understand the concepts of math.. and since mr wightman liked to jack his cock and look down shirts instead of helping me learn something, I'm never going to learn anything about science either. so don't you fucking tell me what I will and will not do.
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| so my report card finally came... |
[26 Jun 2003|02:50pm] |
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may be running away for a few days. may not be. it depends on how easy on me my mom will be. I'd rather live. if nobody hears from me, I'm gone.
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[26 Jun 2003|01:15pm] |
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 mellow |
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music |
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"december"- static x |
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confessions of the heart
given with deep thought
they could hurt, they could help
your love is in their hands
?which do you choose
share with them, or hold back
i am blind when love speaks to me
i don't recognize it
when i do, i try to ignore it
it hurts me too much
cuts me too deep
makes me see the reality of it
the side that i don't want part of
i want to slip in the corner
away from it all
i don't see how its supposed
to be this wonderful thing
if you give it your all
but in return you get pain
i guess thats why they call it
this crazy thing named love
but i don't want it, i've seen too much
cried too much, hurt beyond words
love's obviously not for me
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| fuck you |
[24 Jun 2003|09:43pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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none? |
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not the best of days. spics woke me up. they were painting the house. they wouldn't shut the fuck up. some guy came over. he was very loud. I don't know who he was, but I yelled for him to shut the fuck up at least 20 times. oh the migrane I had. I popped advil at least 5 times.
my psychologist gave me a perscription for xanax. i told my mom that i was done with the mind fucking anti-depressants/anxiety. she got it anyways. might try some later.
the ignorance of some people is hilarious. I won't mention names, but you know who you are, and you're a moron. you know people hate you, and yet you still try to keep contact with them. are you really THAT desperate for friends? some people have always hated you, some have just started hating you recently(after they got to know what a moron you are.), others are smart and don't even talk to you at all. now go die kthx<3
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[24 Jun 2003|10:04am] |
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I called aol last night, and told them that my mom could get online, but none of my screen names could. they got smart with me. assholes. after spending all last night reseaching shit on lenshell.com, I finally got my aol back. 2 weeks probation. bullshit. in your face, assholes.
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| will do html for food |
[23 Jun 2003|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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"bad trash" - switchblade symphony |
] |
I'm hungry. I can't eat anything I want to eat. this blows man. literally, it deepthroats the whole weinie.
if I can get a code, I'm going to make a new journal, and make it friends only. if anyone has a code willing to give, I'll make a layout for you(I can't do anything much better than mine..) if you want.
Dennis just left. We walked around all day. my feet hurt. I couldn't keep up with him. I'm looking forward to burning anime with Jared. and getting my aol back.
I'm bored, so I guess I'll fill out yet another survey
I stole this from Kaleigh. yeah.
// series one - you:
-- Middle name: I'll never tell..
-- Birth time:: idk.. who cares?
-- Birthplace:: phila pa
-- Last place you traveled:: vegas
-- Eye Color:: some odd mix.. I guess it would be considered blue
-- Nail Color:: uhh see through? I don't paint them
-- Height:: 5'3 last time I checked
-- Zodiac Sign:: saggitarius
// series two - describe:
-- Your heritage:: guinea, mule(portugese), russian and a bunch of other shit
-- The shoes you wore today:: wal mart velcro sandals
-- Your hair:: I don't think I remember my natural color. burgundy red at the moment.. long when I have time to straighten it, shoulder length, madded and wavy when I don't
-- Your weakness:: pierced boys, cherry limeade, and cookie dough
-- Your fears: nothing really.. the worst that could happen, I die, or get badly injured.. I or my family sues and gets rich
--Your perfect pizza:: stuffed crust, extra cheese and sauce and bbq chicken
// series three - what is:
-- Your most overused phrase on aim:: eff you or stfu
-- Your thoughts first waking up:: just 5 more minutes..
-- Your current worry:: not reaching my goal weight before the end of the summer. being harassed AGAIN, another year, for every little thing
-- Your plans tomorrow:: none yet
-- Your best physical feature:: tits, eyes, hips.. it would all look good if I was thin
-- Your bedtime:: whenever I get tired.. usually every other night, or around 3 or 4 am
// series four - you prefer:
-- sunrise or sunset:: sunset
-- gore or horror:: horror
-- eastsiiiide or wessssside:: stfu nigga'
-- stripes or poka dots:: polka, man
-- money or fame:: money is good.. fame is good too
-- Planes or trains: : trains
-- metal or hardcore:: both are good
-- Boxers or briefs:: depends on the person
-- Pools or hot tubs:: depends on the season
// series five - do you
-- Do you think you've been in love:: no
--Want to get married:: no
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys:: fuck you
-- Like to take baths:: no, I usually fall asleep
-- Get motion sickness:: yeah
-- Like talking on the phone:: yeah
-- Like thunderstorms:: sure
-- Play an instrument:: bass
-- Workout:: only walking for right now.. as of next sunday, yes
-- Like reading: yeah
// series six - favorite:
-- Body part:: peepee
-- Kind of fruit:: all of them... fruit cocktail?
-- Music to fall asleep to:: fnx
-- Time of the day:: anytime thats not morning
-- Car:: I'll take anything that has 4 wheels an engine
-- Number:: 0
-- Thing to do right before bed:: masturbate
-- Era:: 80's-90's
-- Horror movie:: lots of them
-- Colors:: purple, grey, dark green
// series eight - the future:
-- Age you hope to be married:: idk
-- Numbers and Names of Children:: none hopefully
-- Describe your Dream Wedding:: newport mansion, or in a castle
-- How do you want to die:: something dramatic that will make people remember me by, and will make those that took me for granted feel bad
-- What do you want to be when you grow up:: actress/writer.. I want to write my own plays and then act in them.. maybe a poet or journalist on the side
-- What country would you most like to visit:: I've been all over europe.. hmm.. maybe new zealand?
// series nine - opposite sex:
-- Best eye color:: it doesn't matter, I'd make them wear cateye contacts anyways
-- Best hair color:: nothing light.. blonde guys are usually ugly
-- Short or long hair:: depends on the person.. usually about chin length
-- Best personality trait:: honest and not someone that wants to play games
-- Best height:: taller than me
-- Best weight:: doesn't really matter. scrawny is hot. but I'm not picky.
-- Best articles of clothing:: whip cream
-- Best first date location:: a chippendale show in vegas
-- Best first kiss location:: idk
// series ten - finish:
-- I eat:: a lot. ;\
-- I think:: I want porn
-- I am:: filthy
-- I loathe:: a lot of people
-- I adore:: bah
-- I suck at:: most things
-- I am obsessed with:: your cock
-- I can:: do whatever I want, thank you
-- I can't wait:: to be kinggggg *music, animals going "HEYH"*
-- I am annoyed with:: a lot of people
-- I miss:: my dad
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| fuck you and fuck you too |
[22 Jun 2003|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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rain.. downpouring.. and leaking.. a lot |
] |
for those of you that don't know, my aol account is suspended. I was TOS'd, by who, I don't know, but when I find out, let me assure you, they won't have aol much longer.
not that I'm a "1337 hax0r", but think about how annoying I can get.. bitching 24/7 day, after day, after day. now, I just need to remember where my * button is.. or else my account will be terminated.
I haven't updated much because I've been getting kicked out a lot. me being home from school + and my mom taking some time off of work = not good. made her bleed the other night. i really should start chewing my nails again. felt bad about it for a while, until the back of my head was bashed with a spatula. don't fucking test me.
the way I look at it, in 4 more years I'll be at RISD. in 10 more years, I'll be chilling somewhere thats NOT here, smirking at the fact that you over dramatic white trash morons decide to waste your lives away in fools gold coventry instead of trying to do something other than go to newport creamery and santoro's.
anywho, went with anthony to pick up ozzy, cj and some other guy is south providence.. went to providence place mall.. saw the hulk, which was good but dragged on and on and lost me at some parts. played pool at cj's house. came home because my mom blacked out again. so, here I am.. on internet explorer.. I want my aol back.
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| i guess its a new trend to post these, so here |
[20 Jun 2003|07:34pm] |
| disposable_skin | | Magic Number | 19 | | Job | 9 to 5 Lifer | | Personality | Vicarious | | Temperament | What You Lookin' At? | | Sexual | Whatever, Whenever, Whoever | | Likely To Win | Another Gold Star | | Me - In A Word | Ditsy | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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i did dennis's too because he never updates
| crimson_cut | | Magic Number | 11 | | Job | 9 to 5 Lifer | | Personality | Sunshine And Blue Skies | | Temperament | Unflappable | | Sexual | Just Say No | | Likely To Win | A Swimming Badge | | Me - In A Word | Devious | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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[20 Jun 2003|11:48am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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"drowning" - six feet under |
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its been raining alot. meaning I've been outside a lot. exploded on john the other say. not sure if we're still friends. walked to cumberland farms with ozzy last night. bought cookie dough ice cream. got offered to smoke crack with some guy in the woods. respectfully declined. walked to briar point at like midnight for the past few nights. left cigarette buts on pork cars windshields. got bitched at by some ugly girl. got told to leave the graveyard by old people. something very odd happened.
as anthony, ozzy, and I were walking home from the old middle school we cut through the graveyard at like 1 a.m. some old guy was circling us on his bike. he wasn't even pedaling. we were like screaming stuff to him and he didn't say anything, and didn't even move. anthony jumped in front of him.. instead of stopping short on his bike or yelling something, the guy just went around anthony and continued circling us. after a few minutes he just went away. very weird.
we weren't high either.
its bright and hot and sunny outside. my house is crowded with all of these guys. spics are outside painting my house. i'm hibernating in this room until at least 7pm.
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[17 Jun 2003|11:20am] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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ghetto people outside |
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its finally over. no more CMS. I never thought I'd be happier.
a big fuck you to all of you. to all of my friends, have a good summer, since you probably won't keep in touch with me anyways.
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[16 Jun 2003|11:35am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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"the kid ya mom anthem" - ernie maine and chris gallo |
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english and science exams were today.. I probably failed science, I don't know about english. mikaylas stuffed cow was dying in science.. its now revived, thanks to me. I gave it shock treatment and mouth to mouth and all class I was screaming BREATHE! DON'T GIVE UP ON ME NOW! nicole was trying to do her test(for once).. she kept telling me to shut the fuck up. no more wightman. yay. now when I'm in hs, I'm going to behind on my science work, just because mr wightman concentrated too hard on what he wanted from Nemos instead of teaching us.
only one more day...
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| I guess I forgot to add this earlier |
[14 Jun 2003|12:18am] |
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mood |
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bitchy |
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music |
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"unforgiven"-metallica |
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other than the finals on monday and tuesday, this school year is pretty much over. junior highschool is over. I want to thank all of you butterfaced bimbos and shrunken marshall mathers for making these past 2 years the most miserable years of my life. I did not enjoy being a preteen at all, I hope you're happy. I will never look back on these years, and if I do, I'll probably end up throwing something.
lots has happened these past 2 years, most of which you all probably think I know nothing about. thats where you're wrong, my friend. I, ladies and gentlemen, am the eyes and ears of this institution. I know everything that was said about me and my friends, where it was said, and when it was said, I could probably give you an exact minute. I know secrets that you hide from one another, I know that you talk about your friends behind their backs, I probably even know what type of laundry detergant your mother uses by now.
those of you going to hendricken, don't drop the soap(sorry joe.. I will miss you lots. LOTS!).. those of you going to prout, be glad you are.
"<3"
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[13 Jun 2003|11:58am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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rain hitting the roof and leaking into the middle of floor |
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well last night went ok. I was the only one with the guts to dress up as someone from my country.. I did my project on india, so I had to wear a gross looking dress, a sari, and a red dot on my forehead. put it this way, if you were naked in the room I was in, you would sitll be sweating your balls off.. and I had to wear all of those clothes. monkey didn't talk to me. I took about 5 crossiant peices from her France project just for mockery.. they tasted like monkey.
to Nicole: I have your purple cross necklace thingy.. I guess you lost it last night or something.. I was kind enough to pick it up off of the floor in the library today for you. ;]
Ms. Davis took me and Amanda to the highschool today.. we walked around the builiding with this bald guy with crutches named Mr Warner.. I saw about 10 extremely gorgeous guys. I saw Kayleigh too.. but she didn't see me. I was going to yell hi kayleigh, but the bald guy told me not to.
I was going to go to the movies tonight with Josh and Sully.. but they can't go.. and I don't wanna go alone.. so I'll probably be here all night.. if anyone wants to do something or talk, call me, I'll be very bored..
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| I smell cunt.. |
[12 Jun 2003|03:25pm] |
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 angry |
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"trapped in the wake of a dream"-mudvayne |
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ok, I fucking hate caitlyn vandervelte. everybody crowds around my project.. saying how nice it looks. this project took time, effort, loads of work, and at least $30 on art supplies to complete. so then, probably just to ultimatley anger me to no extent, caitlyn puts hers next to mine. her project consists of nothing but high tech equiptment probably bought by her daddy, so she can get an A and have the best display board, as always. she pissed me off two other times today as well. first off, this morning in homeroom.. me, jared, dennis, joe and pockel are in the room.. theres a stampeding army of candy cunt bitches, marked as "abercrombie". am I going to unlock the door to let them in? of course fucking not. they were assholes to me. so, I just ignored it. then they get in.. and caitlyn goes "thanx for opening the door for us you guys" sarcastically.. so I said "uh... no?" and she was like.. "go eat something you faggot".. something mentally retarded of that nature. it just pissed me off, was nothing really to be upset over. then, on the bus ride home, she was bitching at me.. who knows what her underbited, monkey looking jaw was flapping.. my headphones were up too high.. so I just said "ok.. your lips keep moving, yet all I hear is monkey screeches." so she just bitched more.. I ignored it and listened to my music. I get to present my project in a few hours. whoop dee fucking doo.
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| *blows dust off of atticus cd* I haven't listened to this in a while.. |
[11 Jun 2003|09:43pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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"jared on green beers"-alkaline trio |
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It's been a long time since I've been close to you
It's been a long time since I've been sad.
It's been a while since I've really spent time with you
Wish I could take back the times that I had.
The only thing that you ever really did for me
Was make me oh so miserable.
And the hope that I never see your face again
Is anything but questionable.
I hope this is goodbye.
I hope this is goodbye.
There was a time when I thought you were a friend to me
I think those times I was probably just drunk.
And if they offered a test about being a good friend
I'd put money down that you'd surely flunk.
The only thing that you ever really took from me
Were my records to sell them for dope.
Now all I have left is this heart in my chest
And my happiness helping me cope
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| such happiness can be ruined in such a small amount of time.. |
[10 Jun 2003|06:52pm] |
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melancholy |
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music |
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"something i can never have"-nin |
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a great thank you to Will for calling me last night.. Oregon is far away. thank you kindly. <3.
ONE MORE FUCKING WEEK. JUST ONE MORE FUCKING WEEK. until I'm out of this shithole pile of bricks called cms.. and onto a probably dirtier place called CHS. oh well, as long as I don't have to go on a bus everday(I live about a kilometer away from the highschool enterance). I'm going to do everything I can this summer(other than starving myself of course) to get down to my desired weight. I'm tired of being the only one of my friends that hasn't had a boyfriend. I act like it doesn't bother me, and it hasn't for a while, but now it does. It hurts feeling so lonely and empty.. a lot. its like everybody but me were meant to have a life. looks mean nothing to me, but everything everbody else. thus, I'm dieting.
anywho, my pessimism is over, you can all wake up now
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[09 Jun 2003|08:27pm] |
I've never really felt this alone before. I'm depressed right now, I don't know why. It feels like.. everyones just gone..
If you care about me even the least bit, live nearby, are not busy and want to do something this weekend.. let me know. It would make me feel a lot better. 822-3242. Even if I don't know you, I'd still be happy. As long as you're not a bastard, its all ok..
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disposable_skin's journal